new pleasures...

I've discovered a new way to indulge myself, and it involves sliding down a mountain on a board.
I tell you the pleasure of doing it, was indescribable...

Nobama...

This is going to be short and sweet...
well, not that sweet...

Obama chose Rick Warren to pray at his inauguration, in his spirit of inclusiveness and what not...

But, in his message of inclusiveness and foreign policy he mentioned he would 'initiate' talks with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, but that doesn't mean that he would invite him to say his inauguration prayers, or will he?

Rick warren is a bigot, that has spread hateful messages against jews and the LGBT community. Condemning the jews to hell and comparing homosexuality with bestiality and pedophilia. Is his message that far away from Taliban doctrine?

If he is inviting a bigot to pray for the 'blessing' of his entrance into office, I am having doubts about his future decisions...

This is not good...and I am tired of being treated as a second class citizen!

Exciting news from the island

Good days
Happy days
Drama...ugh! But still...
Friends
Alcohol
Good times
Trips...
Overall everything is awesome...

Layover

I am in St. Thomas...layover...still on the plane, cause they won't
let us get down...I saw someone with a Dean Koontz book... Barfed a
little in my mouth.

random

I was trying to get to my blog and this is what came up

here

anyway...I'm loving Junior Senior :) Brings me happiness...

I woke up today...

To the feeling of a tender hand on my face...
The embrace...
The kisses on the forehead...
The tenderness of it all is enough to melt my cold heart over and over
again...

creeped up on me...

Well, these are my songs at the moment...

Kiss Kiss Kiss by Yoko Ono (Remixed with Peaches)

The End by De/Vision (which has some really uplifting lyrics like...)

• I'm unimpressed
  By everything you do
  You make me sick
  I never wanna be like you
  Your hollow words
  Opinions all cut-and-dried
  I know it hurts
  But sometimes reality bites
  
  You are the end
  You are the end
  I'm the beginning

and Electropop by Jupiter Rising

I wake up everyday

Not thinking twice about what I just did...
Is this my home? Is this real? Is he really the end?

it's great

I sleep
I hug
I sing
I dance
I drink
I watch
I touch...(in very subtle way)
I smile
I enjoy every minute
I work
I get cold
I talk
I eat
I lie there...

and now I reflect

i'm just a pawn

The universe is playing with my well being...

I'm listening to Pandora and this song comes up, but since I am working I am not fully listening to what it is saying. Most of the time when I'm listening to Pandora I bookmark the songs that come up and rate them and what not... again, I'm working so I'm not doing this as much as I want to cause I'm supposed to be doing something else...

Then this song comes up, and I liked it (a lot), so I decided to interrupt my work for a minute (little did I know) and bookmark the song, only to find out that the song is called: Your Ex-lover is dead

some of the lyrics...
"God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said 'yes I think we've met before'
In that instant it started to pour,
Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of the time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name...

....

There's one thing I want to say, so I'll be brave
You were what I wanted
I gave what I gave
I'm not sorry I met you
I'm not sorry it's over
I'm not sorry there's nothing to save

I'm not sorry there's nothing to save..."

and there you have it...
I think the universe is trying to make me feel better by echoing what I feel...and it's working.

How can I...

Separate myself from this cyber extension???
It seems like I'm so attached to this shit...
almost sickening!

Dream about me...

The knight wanted to rape the maiden, or something like that. Me and another noble tried to dissuade him by stating that it was almost nightfall and that they were near the green crystal. When that didn’t convince him much, I grabbed the crystal by it’s long chain and started hurling it like a pendulum from side to side towards him. The girl screamed and left the scene while the perpetrator got scared and transfixed at the crystal, which he also fled. But it was too late, the guardian of the crystal came out of her room and admonished him for such behavior and he ran away. I put the crystal back where it was, and went to the next room as the meeting was going to start. The door closed. I waited in the other room, everyone dressed in their best clothes. And inside the room came in Queen Elizabeth and sat next to me, I was her ‘Robin’, although she was the only one sitting and I had a nice big dress too (no boobs though). While some other noble was talking purposefully in what could be the said the purpose of the meeting, the queen whispered to me. “Shall we punish him?” To which I replied, “Of Course, my queen”. It was decided that he should be deprived of many privileges, after the meeting was over.
And then we took pictures. The cast of Twilight took the stage, and Bella whispered in my ear, her true feelings and wishes...”Not in this theater, not next year”...

It all was in the Parisian/Cape Townian nightscape....

edit: I wrote this morning, so...I'm not going back to correct the grammar and syntactic mistakes. Do what you want with it.

Careful my young padawan...

Careful my young padawan...
Careful must I be
Critizing my anthropology fathers
Is going to get my head chopped off!

Crazy...

I realized today that if someone were to make a film about me, it will
be really easy for that person to capture me as a really crazy/
eccentric person. I mean, my behavior is just plain irrational
sometimes...

Healed...

This wound is already healed...


I had an amazing weekend... One that I will remember all my life

edit:

Wow, I always knew that my relationship with Ricardo had an expiration date...

At least I saved my own life on the way

Ghosts...

A friend told me yesterday that I have ghosts in my apartment...(half-jokingly)
I don't believe in that kind of thing, but I do hear and see stuff in my apartment, (which he also heard)...but I think I kinda like them... they're not annoying, so why would they be scary?

anyway...
what is with Rick Astley in the Macy's Parade? of all places, the cartoon network float?
Rickrolled...

Matteraso

I'm in bed...
and I'm writing for my papers...

And all I can think of is how stupid I really was, when I tried to hold on to some things...

I'm all better now! It's all good!

I'm a professional now...
I'm a friend now...
I'm smiling now...

Even though it's cold...

Epiphanies!!!

funny

I've just been putting hidden quotes around all week...
which can be fun...

I am a walrus...

Wait wait wait...
I need to clarify this (last post) for my own sake:

This is not about love
'Cause I am not in love
In fact I can't stop falling out
I miss that stupid ache...

As Ms. Apple clearly puts it...

But if anyone actually knows that reference, they will get it...

again...why?

I'm falling again...

I have been down this road before, and I hope it doesn't turn ugly like many other times...

But in the meantime, let me enjoy this newfound feeling of...

Interés por alguien bien afín... ahora, si solo supiera que el dulce no está disponible, me conformaría con pasear al frente de la dulcería todos los días y hablar pacíficamente con el dueño...

But enojoying it nevertheless...

just saying...

where did everybody go?



awful silent here...

Crap!

In just one month, I'll be back to vacation on the little island I still call home.
Which apart from the good news that entails...it also means that I have to get some serious work done!!!

This has been a tough semester, not impossible, but tough...and it's going to get tougher now!!!

The only day I plan to take off is Thanksgiving...

Listening to Chop Suey brings back so many memories from high school...
friends...
Watching the video on MTV in the morning before going to school...
wow...

Development

Lately I have been reading a lot about development studies in Anthropology. Check it out, cause if it wasn't for these classes, I would've never heard of this.

I don't have much to say on the topic at the moment, but I get the impression that this is a very important area in social studies, as a lot of our actions here in the US affect in many many ways, the so called developing countries.

At the same time this whole development studies thing, help us to challenge our notions of what is a developing country and what not...


Here are some other links:
UN Development Studies
Study Abroad in Thailand
Development Anthropology

Wizard of Oz

So I watched the movie today... what a trippy movie. But Oh well...

Am I the only one that's perturbed by the fact that she KILLED two witches in just one day... is this for children?
Oh well...

Moving on to Memento now...

Dream again...

Finally I had a lovely dream...
A dream where I'm not running for my life or plain thinking of He-who-must-not-be-named...

I want to live in a place like that...

NOVA

Nova is Amazing...

This goes to my Anthropology peeps, and everybody who's interested in human evolution studies...

Link Here....

The episode was about the rare finding of Homo floresiensis and how he fits in the evolutionary chain...

Enjoy!
Isn't science logical?
Fun!

the awesomeness...

That is Chetes...
It's in Spanish so...I will do the appropriate thing and switch to Spanish.

Este cantante mexicano solía estar en la banda Zurdok, y aunque no lo conozco de esa época. Su material reciente es el que me llama más la atención. Escuché la canción Efecto Dominó esta mañana y me encantó...

"Estar en control solo es una idea, que te hace sentir feliz..."


...Back to work

The greatest story ever told…

Pardon my incoherence…this was a dream

I'm in Silver Spring and me and my friends are looking for a place to eat, as they turned down all the places I know I suggest we take the bus to downtown. I think I was like 12 here. We decided to walk up to our house then, but we see the police and paramedics taking a body away. We run to the scene and find out that someone was just murdered there. But nobody seemed to care as the workers were still painting the big building. The building was so big, but at the same time it was so badly constructed that it was not evenly constructed everywhere, kind of like those old buildings you see in Santurce (old section of town in the capital), but oh well. I saw one of the workers in the ladder fall down beside me and cringe to death while I just stood there with my indifference. Then I tried to go through the uneven edges of the two buildings, but thought it wasn't worth it anymore because it was such a long time ago whenI did it (when I was a little kid) and when they reconstructed it they eliminated the door that was there. The building was being painted a pale yellow. I see a ghost at the end that is walking in the rocky path, the same rocky path me and my brother tried to cross when we were little but found out too hard and painful to do it barefoot. The ghost was walking towards me crossing the path and I I though, THAT IT CAN'T BE. Robert showed me what his clothes would look like if he actually crossed that path, ages and ages ago. Which he did, because it was him!

I jumped into the old helicopter that was on the overgrown grass and sat there for a while, my nana came and I decided to turn it on…and it did! I flew around dangerously close to some people and saw my brother and waved at him… The memory of our grandfather was still alive!

Not here…

For a while…I doubted if I was really here.

believe...

...
It's amazing how disrupted and calm you can be at the same time.
You may feel like your insides are crumbling, because the truth is so hard to swallow, and yet you smile-you smile like you mean it...except, that you actually mean it.

Esto no es sobre Litio, ni ninguno de sus lovechildren, solamente una respuesta natural...tan natural como las hojas que ves caer todos los días...cada escena es diferente cada minúsculo segundo que dejas de prestarle atención. Pero te sientes aludido, porque las hojas caen y no en el mismo lugar...y aunque cambian de tono, se secan-la mortalidad no pierde este juego, esto no es House...Sientes el frío-tan largo y continuo este frío...Sabes que la expectativa te dió por loco, y te dejó esperando en Starbucks. Pero no todo es malo, porque en la espera te tomasté un café- aunque no el mismo que pides siempre (white chocolate mocha, non fat milk con syrup de almendra)-y conociste a Björn...

"Te diste cuenta?" me dice...
"Lo que me di cuenta, es que hablas perfecto español...como podría agredecer tal entendimiento?"
"Marry me..." he says while he...


...
It's amazing how disrupted and torn you can be, and appear to be calm...Because you were reminded that it is not all over...that you still have to deal with some minor details...
But for the first time in my life, I am surrendering ambiguity; and I don't want to talk about it! Not with you anymore...I am done...and I am free to feel however I want about this...

...

Why am I still awake at this unholy hour???

Redeemed!!!

Redeemed!!!
And in one hour and a half I was able to read two chapters for class,
one more chapter for an end of semester project, do the summary for
said project and install windows xp on my mac...
I freed myself from the Sunday curse!!!

Sunday indeed...

This sounds like a long overdue echo, but Sundays suck!
I didn't do anything all day.

parties and get togethers...

I've been having fun here with a few of my new friends...
and that's it!

I've been having fun... And when days like these just keep on coming, I don't have much to say.

I just say thanks to the cosmos for letting me enjoy a nice evening...
Thanks to the friends that lend their ears for my woes, my cheerfulness, my rants...even my cravings :)...

I'm thankful that at least, I'm being able to move on without looking back that often; and even when I look back, my step doesn't quiver...

I'm taking big strides here, and I hope they don't get smaller with time.
---------------------------

Stupid, stupid people of the US

It's true that we have come a long way and we elected our first African-American president. But it's sad that the LGBT community is still being treated as second class citizens. Worst of all is that in the states where these discriminatory laws got passed, they were supported by more than the majority of Latino/Hispanic and African-American that voted.

Seriously? How the hell can you be black or Latino and still discriminate towards others? Towards your brothers and sisters?

How the hell? I mean what the fuck? How can you discriminate against LOVE?

And then there are stupid people like this Solomon Brown from California. An African-American young man that voted for Obama and voted in favor of prop 8, and then he says:

" He had no qualms about voting for Obama, either, and adds that his choice wasn't related to race. But he worries what moral beliefs will be taught in coming years.

"I don't want a man and a man to be married," Brown said. "When I have kids, I don't want them to see that."

Still, he says he doesn't hate gay people and has several gay friends. He emphasizes that he dislikes the fact that people are gay, but not the individuals themselves.

"I can't be prejudiced against them, with me being an African-American," Brown said. "That would be hypocritical in my eyes.""

How is that OK? How is it OK to dislike the fact that people are gay? How is it OK to just say it in NATIONAL PRESS??? I mean can I be honest here and just say that I dislike the fact that people are black? or Latinos? Because, they were born that way right? They didn't choose to be black or Latino, right? How the hell is that different from gay people? I would be so criticized if I ever said: "Yes, um I like keebler crackers, but oh no, I'm sorry, black people? No, I dislike them.

How is it OK to still treat some people like that? "I dislike how you were born and I'm sorry but it disgusts me so much that my children shouldn't be exposed to such an atrocity...
"But hey let's put on some sex and violence here on tv just for the kids. right? RIGHT? How is that any different from any white bigot that 'dislikes' Jews or Blacks just because they are that way? In what century are we? I seem to be lost in some anachronistic vortex here.

Seriously?
You Solomon Brown are a prejudiced little fucker, cause you are judging them by saying you dislike the fact they are gay? You disgust me, and personally i am tired of being (as they say) TOLERANT to people who are just plain stupid.

This is just too much...I'm starting to become a bit of a misanthrope...

Yesterday in class...

just wondering...

what the fuck is wrong with pink and her new song?
*sighs*

Obama won

...and I'm in the 7th floor of the library...
hidden away reading my stuff...

Cause the professors here like me... and they care about me :)

election day

I don’t know how to feel about this...I mean, what if Obama doesn’t win? I’ll be devastated for sure, but I will all be given up?

Not only because of Obama, but what is happening in certain states where people want to take away rights, instead of conceding more. The same goes for the governor’s seat and legislature back home. There is one particular candidate, that I think has great popularity, but it’s the worst candidate in so many ways. His is ultra conservative, wants to strip away the reserve status of areas of great ecological importance and wants to do make law in an amendment that will make it so, that only married couples are married. This affects not only affect homosexual and lesbian couples, but also people who live in consensual marriages...People overlook these things, even my family does, but when you vote for a candidate, you vote for the whole package...you’re getting him/her and all his/her goodies!

I hope this turns out for the best...

really, why?

I should have seen it coming...

When we first started going out, and a little problem came in the way, He wouldn't want to talk about, he was always up for forgetting everything in order for everything to be calm. I on the other hand, wanted to confront everything when it happened (or at least in a reasonable time after everything subsided)... I got everything off my chest, more than a week ago...

Thank God, I’m not waiting for his debriefing call, to clear things up on his side (cause he thinks I have the wrong idea)...

so...why am I still thinking about this?

why?

Am I ok, because I let everything off my chest???
Or because I talked to him?...

I hate this uncertain feeling... But at least I feel ok...

...

Soñé con mami de nuevo...

so...

I spent a bit of money today shopping... But I needed warmer clothes...and I missed shopping (even If I sound like Malibu Barbie saying it)...

I miss not being able to worry about spending money on clothes...damn grad school!!!

No more of this...

It's just matter of time...
Time will heal everything...

Though I hate to admit that I do miss talking to him. We're on this unspoken-self imposed-non speaking-terms agreement...

It's amazing how much you can miss someone and suddenly forget a lot of things on the way, like the reasons why you broke up in the first place.

Love is not supposed to be blind...though your feelings might want to tell you otherwise (like they are trying to do right now)...It's good to have friends and people that will try and make everything clear, so you can be kept in check...

Cause the breakup was for a reasons significant enough to dissolve something that lasted for a year and something...

And distance can be a bitch...and it's so frustrating that he couldn't wait for me (which I guess it's understandable)... It's just that (sadly) this event makes the past seem somewhat ethereal. As if the words, the caring, the love was all a façade (though I know it wasn't)...cause if you love someone, why can you not wait? Why not make sacrifices? I mean we are already adults and everybody around me reminds me of that when I see my elementary school friends with marriages, children and divorces...

I had to grow up some time ago when my mom passed away, and slowly but steadily I have made my way; and I don't mean to be praised by this, cause it's not something to be be praised for, it was just my way to cope with her death, and nobody should have to bear that at such a young age (and that's why I think it's harder on my sisters). Again, moving here on my own, with my own money and my own resources was again a reminder of this adult stage, just in case I ever forgot. But as an adult, I felt ready to start taking responsibilities, sacrifices...heck dare I say even marriage? (though this wasn't very feasible because we were going to study in different places) But what I mean is that I was ready, I felt ready to do something that was more long-term.

This perspective is what makes us different...I grew up fast in the last couple of years and became independent because of my circumstances. I did not depend on my father or anyone. And i think this situation is very common among many people that I know and in my socioeconomic status. Because he depends greatly on his parents, and I now understand that it is not easy for him to pick up everything and make a decision, cause he is not doing much by himself...and this was never a problem and it's not necessarily a bad thing, but now that I think about it...it resurfaces in this situation.

So, I must remind myself that feelings can be misleading, though not necessarily ill intentioned. I truly believed in all the love that I got to enjoy with him...but the garden of forking paths came, and it was not about a story within a story, more like a definite chapter.

And right now, I feel OK...for the moment I feel at peace... More like satisfied. It's not that he doesn't deserved me (cause that sounds wrong and weird) he did, because we were together for a while, but in the future I need someone that wants to be in that same future with me...
----
it's too late to think clearly anymore, and I'm going to bed. Tomorrow I have to go to another football game to carry out more field work.

Laters...

not alone...

Most certainly I am not...

There are people out there, old friends...new friends...
and they care...and I can talk to them, and i feel ok...

I am surprised and I feel happy about this...

I don't need the relationship ties that I had anymore...
Though they were good while they lasted, I feel better leaving them behind now...
and lol, I am not bitter or anything...I am just at peace :)

There are some Yoga classes at school that I'm thinking in joining, cause it's been hectic lately and some relaxation cannot do harm :)

Starting out new it's always a great new opportunity :)

Current song: Pies Descalzos by Shakira

Current Playlist...

1. 3 libras by A Perfect Circle
   
2. Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard and Marketa Inglova
   
3. Wonderwall by Oasis
   
4. Passive by A Perfect Circle
   ---update---
   
5. Slipping Away by Moby
   
6. How to Save a Life by the Fray
   
7. Escapar by Moby and Amaral
   
8. So Jealous by Tegan & Sara
   

3 Libras

Or Taurus, just for the sake of being culturally sensitive (if you know what I mean)

I'm a bit hurt, though like the bit part says, just a bit... I won't go on with this (I hope) so I'll just let it out now and be done with it...

I never thought I had to cue this song again, but this is one of those times where 'shitty' doesn't fit cause it's too messy a description to capture the organized madness that he's throwing at me...Madness I tell you...

threw you the obvious and you flew
with it on your back, a name in your recollection,
thrown down among a million same.
difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed
and passed over
when i've looked right through
to see you naked and oblivious
and
you don't see me.but i threw you the obvious
just to see if there's more behind the eyes
of a fallen angel,
the eyes of a tragedy.
here i am expecting just a little bit
too much from the wounded.
but i see through it all
and see you.
so i threw you the obvious
to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel,
eyes of a tragedy.
oh well. apparently nothing.
you don't see me.
you don't see me at all.

Sundays...

The only bad thing about Sundays, is that for sure, I have to read a book for tomorrow :)...

Have a good one!

Oh god...

Oh god...
It's freaking freezing!!!

David Colón-Cabrera

HA! (How could I be so naive?)

I laugh at that last post...How could I ever think that a 'slow' week would come up in the middle of the semester. Anyway, I've been working my ass off this week, for work and schoolwork...
I'm so looking forward for it to be 8:40 p.m. already.... I can't wait to get home and really relax.

-----

This Saturday I'm going to another football game, as part of my research project for a class, and I think it's going to be fun (the research not the game)...

Laters

this is a nice surprise...

This week readings are not that hard...
a book for today's class,
3 chapters for wednesday's class
4 chapters for Thursday... This looks promising :)

Hello new world...

I'm going to a football game this next Saturday...I'm going with a new friend and I hope to have more fun than the first time. Also, because I will be conducting my research there. College students behavior in football games...
---
now, on to my never ending exam that I'm writing...

WORK

So, I have to finish this half of the exam today!!! I mean it!!!

Asleep

My sleeping patters are fucked up!
I need to fix this, cause I'm having problems staying awake... Cause now I'm very tired, and I still have a lot of work to do.

My iPhone agent18 cover came today...

I'm

I'm
Hungry

David Colón-Cabrera

Week

Long...
Long...
Long...

----

I have to catch up on my readings, and now I'm super tired... My sleeping patterns are fucked up and I'm physically tired...

p.s. I am becoming an awesome cook!!!

Maps de las Yeah Yeah Yeahs...

Maps de las Yeah Yeah Yeahs...
Indeed they won't love you like I love you...
On another note, I want to do this traveling thing more frequently,
cause I don't know exactly what it is, but it feels great and
liberating!

David Colón-Cabrera

NYC from NJ side

A pic to go with that last post.

Returning...

I'm on my way back to DC. I went to a concert: Tegan & Sara..and it was awesome!
This was great...who would've thought that a trip to New York (on my own) was going to be so awesome...cause I met a lot of interesting people on the way...I'm liking this nomadic lifestyle. :)

Total incompetence!

I was going to go out today... and I didn't write down the number correctly...So i ended up not going cause the number I wrote was disconnected apparently!!
Next time, Next Friday it will be!!!

Yesterday, the debate... It was amazing! Palin is creeping me out by the minute though, but they prepped her damn good...I'm just care that people believe her bullshit!

---

I'm going to New York Tomorrow!!!

I need to stop going to bed at 5:00 a.m.
Damn papers!!!

more sad readings...

Again, reading for my school project, I found this...

"Can there be a society without sadness? Can there be a culture without menace? Can the flow of experience, no matter how fantastically different is its cultural elaboration of loss or how serene, optimistic, or trivial its historical configuration of that which must be endured, escape suffering?"

Chapter 5 on Writing at the Margin by Arthur Kleinman

Again...como le dije a la strega, este research me va matar...

Suffering...

I am reading this chapter, cause I’m doing something for a class next week, and I’m going to do my paper on suffering/illness experience/ HIV/AIDS; and I found this interesting, among many other things:

“Suffering is voiceless in the metaphorical sense that silence becomes a sign of something ultimately unknowable. It implies an experience not just disturbing or repugnant but inaccessible to understanding. in this sense, suffering encompasses an irreducible nonverbal dimension that we cannot know-not at least in any normal mode of knowing-because it happens in a realm beyond language. The quality of such suffering remains as blank to thought as the void opened up by a scream.”

David D. Morris, in the Chapter About Suffering: Voice, Genre, and Moral Community in Social Suffering.

My research is so uplifting...

did you?

Watch the debate?
I thought it was awesome how Obama slammed Mccain every now and then with his: "That's not true", 'I didn't say that"...

But overall, it wasn't great great...I know the Sarah Palin debate is going to be more awesome!!! I personally want to see what she has to say...

Let's see how the bulldog with lipstick measures up with the big boys...

man i wish, Hillary would've won or something...I mean, at least VP...

Sixty five

it's 65 degrees right now! :S
-----

I have to go to campus in an hour or so... I can't seem to start writing for my domain statement for this next Monday...and the paper i have to hand in next Wednesday...

it's 65 degrees...

---------------------

On another note:
I actually don't care that much. I grown cold, a bit out of touch with certain things these past several years and yeah...conversations are not supposed to alienate friends, they are to enrich your friendship, so no necesito resucitar a Miguel en otra persona. He was a good friend, things happened, but still...you're no Miguel, though you have been trying to be for quite some time now. And with that, you're dead.

The sims

In the newer Sims expansion (don't know exactly which one) they will randomly tell you if they feel like they had a good week, with hopes that you change it or keep it that way...

I feel exactly the same way...I had a great week and I hope it keeps up that way...

1. It started getting cold, so not good!
   
2. I went to PAHO yesterday and met with two people, and it went great! One of them even offered me a job...another one :S... anyway, that's awesome cause PAHO is part of the World Health Organization, which is affiliated with the United Nations... Awesomeness for my CV (resumé)...
   
3. Is it still raining back home?
   
4. I have a lot of work now...

Laters...

everything keeps coming along...

All right!

I got a job!
well, a part-time job...but it's still pretty exciting...I only have to work 35 hours per month...

And now...to my meeting tomorrow in D.C., hope everything goes well!

Today was...

One of those weird days where everything goes really well, and you feel OK with yourself...(is this happiness?)...

Not that anything happened in particular, but I had a great day. I'm making friends I guess...

The professor gave me a reading (I actually volunteered) to discuss two weeks from now, that responds to Oscar Lewis atrocious accounts on the culture of poverty, while he did his research in Puerto Rico. So great! I'll get to give my insight on that reading, which I'm really looking forward to.

And then...my roommate gave me a gift!!!OMG, she gave me these Theory Trading Cards (Link here) which are awesome...

My life is turning out for the better...at least for now... Now, on to that Wednesday meeting in D.C.!!!

The power of song...

An here it goes...

Artista: Fangoria
Album: Arquitectura Efímera
Canción: Retorciendo palabras

No, no pretendas tener la razon, no me vengas pidiendo perdon,
no me digas que ha sido un error que lo sientes.

En fin, de que sirve un futuro ideal, construido en terreno ilegal
un pasado que me hace dudar del presente.

Y yo, me defiendo atacandote asi, retorciendo palabras de amor,
intentando que quieran decir lo que yo no me atrevo.
Y yo, me sorprendo diciendo que si, retorciendo palabras de amor
intentando que hagan por mi lo que yo ya no puedo.

No, no te inventes un nuevo color, transparente como una traiccion
camuflaje para una ilusion de mi mente.
Por fin, los milenios son un decimal, un trocito de tiempo fugaz
algo efimero y bien poco mas sin ningun valor.

Y yo, me defiendo atacandote asi, retorciendo palabras de amor,
intentando que quieran decir lo que yo no me atrevo.
Y yo, me sorprendo diciendo que si, retorciendo palabras de amor
intentando que hagan por mi lo que yo ya no puedo.

Los milenios son un decimal una suma de cifras de tiempo sin mas,
voces nuevas presentes futuras pasadas que van retorciendo palabras de amor
construyendo edificios que no duraran, un diseño de algo fugaz,
arquitectos de frases que me hacen dudar y que intentan decirme que no se lo que quiero.

Y yo, me defiendo atacandote asi, retorciendo palabras de amor,
intentando que quieran decir lo que yo no me atrevo.
Y yo, me sorprendo diciendo que si, retorciendo palabras de amor
intentando que hagan por mi lo que yo ya no puedo.

Construyendo edificios que no duraran, un diseño de algo fugaz,
arquitectos de frases que me hacen dudar y que intentan decirme que no se lo que quiero.

i am a powerslut...

not really... but seriously...it's cold here... 58 degrees? gosh!

Net..

Flix is Awesome...

just thought I say that!

I found...

people...

I talked...and they were listening...
and they talked...and it was interesting...

and all was OK...

I'm beginning to like this place more and more...

(now I only need to work on my nervousness/excitement for tomorrow night...)

The Marylander

This is long...so sorry for the grammatical/syntax mistakes (I just couldn't go over all of that again...)

It’s been almost a month since I moved here (and I have this weird obsession with recaps). If you are going to stop reading now, and want a summary here goes: So far, so good.

I live in a nice apartment near the University, though it is on the ‘terrace’ level, which means I’m below the lobby (supposedly is not a basement!). The university is 4 miles away, and it took me almost an hour to walk from there to here one particular Friday night. I’ve been trying to get engaged with campus life as much as I can, so I won’t feel I missed out on anything. I even went to a football game...which I left at halftime, cause I didn't understand all the crazy pauses every two seconds, so, yeah, that was that. I went to the Latino Graduate Student Association, and didn't feel Latino enough to belong in that group... I dunno, I think I'm going to go the the meetings, but their whole experiences seem so much different than me, even though we're all 'Latinos'...like a Russian speaking to a Yanomami from Venezuela. I went to the LGBT event, and found out that it was just like another informative event from the graduate school, full of people behind their tables trying to 'inform' and 'recruit' people to their organizations. Two things that I found interesting: Gay Jewish organization and Church Chaplains organizations... Maybe this is due to my ignorance, but, it was surprising nonetheless...

So lately I've been coming to the University to study cause I can't read that much in my room with all the distractions. This is a nice change, cause the campus is very student friendly. I can sit in the McKeldin Mall, under a tree and read my day away; or got to the 7th floor of the library and find complete peace and quiet. In the end, as much as I hate myself for spending money, when I could be cooking, I eat some Panda Express from the Student Union....then my classes, which are at 6:00 pm. My professors are über cool, and it shows that being a graduate student, specially a PhD one, has it's perks. The professors treat you with respect, and almost as if you were their colleague. More than one time I have encountered the Graduate Chair around campus and he always stops to ask me how am I doing, how are my classes, etc. Though I might be wrong, but it seems like it's a sincere engagement from his part. Of my cohort, I'm the only student that has dark skin though...which makes me think, is Anthropology still a white thing here in the US? Are the only ethnic anthropologist the ones that come from other countries? Anyway...

As far as my relationship with my roommate, everything has been ok until the moment. We get along well, and why shouldn't we? We have everything separate: room, bathroom, miscellaneous stuff...

I don't have a car, and that sucks...cause rearranging your schedule around the bus, can be a pain. Especially when you want to have a decent night life. So right now, until I meet new friends that have cars, my nightlife is restricted to 1:00 am, and that's cutting it short, cause at at that time the last bus leaves the metro station. Oh the metro...living near Washington D.C. is the best. The metro is very handy and accessible. I have already been to D.C. a couple times, and expect to go some other times in the near future.

Another great thing are the concerts and the music scene. I'm going to a Yelle concert in October, already went to a FREE Julieta Venegas concert, and obviously looking forward to many more. In my little island/home, Julieta Venegas would've charged a lot for a concert, and Yelle (a french singer) would'nt come at all.

The only thing is that... this is a new start, and like new starts, you kinda begin alone... Your friends are in another place, and though I know I'm here for a specific reason (which is to study) I can't put out the thoughts that want to go back. Though I won't! Everything here is nice, I just need to keep adapting... Everything happens for a reason (I hate that phrase) so this is the time to reinvent myself an have fun doing it.

Thanks for reaching out...I know you care!

aaaaahhh

I can't concentrate... isn't there a medicine for this???
mmmm i know...

DISTURBED!

I am so not concentrating on this report I have to give out today... I am nervous...
I can't concentrate!!!!

you may yet find stuff

hidden in unexpected places...

I am surprised that life sometimes still throws me these mean curve balls...but I have paid my dues damn it... I deserve to be happy (whatever that means) and be at peace with myself. Though the adaptation process has been a little weird, it hasn't been hard. And I'm more than ok...

Life as an adult started very sudden for me, but that's an old story now. I'm looking forward to what tomorrow may bring me... even if it's not that pleasant.

currently listening: Ghost by Ladytron

and it's over...

So long...
indeed it is over...

...utterly

alone...

Gay

Why does someone have to identify with being a homosexual just because you feel attracted to someone from your own sex... I mean, does straight people are identifying themselves as straight. even though there are like a million different ‘straight’ persons? I mean there are the ones that like really feminine bitches, fat girls, black dudes, asian people, latino thugs... and only homosexuals...

sexual tendencies and attraction are a great thing, but... why the need to identify?


------
and another thing...
always with the bad rap... is it so wrong to say something nice... or nothing at all?

and so it is...

yeah he was... a positivist...
this is sad, and unexpected!

Listening to: That's not my name by The Ting Tings

Positivist???

So I'm reading one of the books as part of my reading assignments...

and the author, just blatantly blurts out...i'm a positivist!!!!


WHAAT??


I need to read keep on reading, because I may be wrong on what I think it entails on being a positivist, but I mean...in this day and age?? and anthropologist??? this is scary...

The book is: Research Methods in Anthropology by H. Russel Bernard

Internet

though taken for granted, one can not be surprised at the ubiquity of Internet nowadays. I mean, not even this post could be possible without it, but like almost everything, you don’t think about something until you lose it, or don’t have as much as you would like to. Oh my, I think this transitioned to something other, but oh well.

My reading list for class... oh gosh, I haven’t even started to read it all. I did start to read, but oh god it’s so much. At least, one of the required readings for the Methods class, I already read a good chunk of it from my seminar class. Writing Culture: The poetics and politics of ethnography, is a very good book, though at times it’s heavy with the same posmodern jargon they are trying to dispel from discipline (anthropology). Quite a heavy undertaking if you ask me! I’m actually proud that I already read this, cause that means that our professor in undergrad taught us well, and some deep actual stuff. I should never think less of my education at the University of Puerto Rico.

Currently listening to Ghost from ladytron, awesome band. I wish that now that I’m in the US, I can catch a concert or show. (Cause next week there is a FREE Julieta Venegas Concert in D.C.). Also, Leave de Glen Hansard (which is the Once movie soundtrack).

Favorite Books and what not...

On my recent trip to Europe, I took Prelude to Foundation by Isaac Asimov with me, to read on the bus rides. Well, not so much as Impressed, but more like I fell in love with the series. I read the next book in just 5 days (and that was in Madrid, while I was still on vacation). That came as no surprise because a few years ago I read I Robot and fell in love with Asimov's writing style. The interweaving of different stories, while maintaining the stories chronicity, is a refreshing take on this ever so charged and overloaded plots that we encounter almost everyday in movies and television. What was surprising (but not unexpected) is to find out that Asimov, was indeed the father of sci-fi. You can see the visions, imagery and the 'futuristic' technology you see from star wars to Star Trek on his works, done a long time before this was all developed. Even the Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy (which I also dearly love, for it's absurdist tendencies) makes subtle allusions to Asimov's work. Again I say, Indeed the father of sci-fi.

Sadly, I haven't had much time to read on that lately, as I just moved here for grad school. I guess that happens...now, on to Neon Genesis Evangelion (which I'm watching for the third time!!!)

Belgium crisis and boobs

Belgium is going trough a crisis, one that can be described as these post-modern crisis that we are growing accustomed to seeing every day: the dismemberment of a country because of it's ethnic/linguistic groups. This is happening because the forces that used to bind these groups together, are less tangible now, than they were before. Nowadays this is happening with the french and dutch speaking belges; also, is happening in Kosovo, with it's recent declaration of independence amid international controversy...

Now, what can you do? not much but hey, you can visit this site and show your support by showing a little love...
warning... As the title says the page has women's boobs all over the page. Though I think they're one of Krishna's greatest creation they are still boobs, and some noobs at work may find the page inappropriate, so please don't open it at work or whatever.... The link is here

Boobs for Belgium!

effed up!

It’s so fucked up when you feel you have to stop being yourself to feel a little better... sexuality is fucked up! The world is fucked up!!! People who think that...uugghhh

I’m going to borrow a leaf from my ex’ blog and use nicknames for certain people.

What is it about dreaming about my dead mum all the time... it’s frustrating, annoying even. Her memory haunts me in such a way that I can’t bear to wake up every day like that. It’s not so much as to actually dream about her, but it’s the dream itself. I always dream she’s ok, or still struggling with her sickness. And almost all the time I wake up crying....crying like a wounded bull in a bullfight... no exit, just reality sinking in...

And speaking of the dead...Sol and Luzbel called me just now and last thursday. Is it time already to let the wounds get some air? I mean, is it over? Is it starting? *sighs* I really don’t know... What I need right now is some air...and space (but not the kind of space like ‘go away I need some space’ more like the ‘come back later, I need some air..I’m suffocating cause it’s hot you know)...

I’m going back to sims now...

El extraterrestre

I find it hard to believe that my life would be any worse if my sisters were not born... or the opposite/same which is that our life would be better si mami no se hubiera muerto. Pues Daniel tiene ‘su casa’ en total abandono, sus hijas hacen lo que le da a gana y existe un sentimiento de powerlessness y anarquía en esta casa, digno de cualquier estudio sociológico.

Lo peor de todo es que no sé si es que no quiero hacer nada al respecto, no me importa si hago algo o no pues me voy pronto o estoy cansado de tratar de que me escuchen... nevertheless soy el loco en la casa que nadie escucha porque no sé de la vida, de la calle or any other relevant shit that influences how a house/family should be run.

Y soy el extraterrestre (this is a quote) en casa si trato de ejercer uso de la razón en cualquier aspecto de la cotidianidad... y me dicen desde chiquito que soy adoptao... for god sake’s...

Resumen

So obviously this means que me gradué (aunque con B en economía, which is a fight that I dunno if it’s worth fighting for, but anway) y que regresé luego de 48 días de viaje... And I saw a lot, like I mean, vi tantas cosas que en mi vida podré ver de nuevo en tan poco tiempo. And I am happy for that opportunity...

So much has changed...

Since I started this blog to this date, four years ago... So much has changed.

I opened this writing space for a girl...of course, so much has changed...

Now, I am at one of those moments where you say "I am at the top of my game"...for the moment I guess...

I can't believe four years have passed since I was a student at Mayagüez, and now I'm going to graduate...

and going to study in Maryland for the next 5 years or so for my PhD...Hooray for change!

Amen!

not like that

no todo es perfecto, más si todo lo fuer no creo que sería feliz...

guardias de seguridad de la Iupi

Tengo una idea... me dieron un ticket en la yupi por estacionarme y bloquear el tránsito... kinda true, pero me encojona que los guardias estén por ahí y no hagan na, dejando que otros carros estén bloqueando el tránsito mientras ellos descansan en los árboles y chistean, etc...
Nice nice idea...

hard hard hard

Not one of my best days...
like so many others in the past...
me siento como una sombra de lo que fui, o lo que seré...

Deux

We come back
defeated
beaten
sad
giù...
Mad
Barking mad!

Cansado, y ya estoy cansado,
esto está mal...
so wrong.

sleep for a while...

a day

Y así incurro en otro día de la vida de aprendiz. Aprendo a escribir como los maestros y hago mi vida de acuerdo a lo que se espera de mí.
Organizo mi vida de acuerdo a las prioridades, de lo que los que van antes de mi han hecho, y lo demás se deja a un lado, para cuando tengas tiempo.
El tiempo libre no es tuyo, si no que depende de las expectativas del ocio académico.
Las interacciones fuera de este ámbito, son altamente desalentadas pues no te permiten desarrollar tu potencial, en adición que no comprenden la seriedad de tus compromisos.
Cumplir con esto, solo te pone al lado de muchos otros, y no te garantiza nada. Mas la no adherencia a estos preceptos, te excluye inmediatamente de los otros, de los maestros y de los aprendices.
...
...y bebo vino

Casi casi acepto

Acepto que me voy,
pero primero el 'Gran Tour'...
Me voy
y no lloro
ni triste, no más...

Todo se mueve
adelante
no desvíos
el afecto no merece desvíos
cuando pobre eres
o cuando chavos tienes:
expectativas y deseos,
no dinero y deseos...

No lloro, solo deseo...
pero ya no quiero
lo que antes deseaba
ahora solo quiero
irme
y salvar una vida,
o la mia
qualcuna che prima aparezca

Working...

So I'm at work right, and I don't want to read any more journals about stress, cause ironically it's making me stressed (no pun intended, if there was any).

Y lo que me perturba es que estoy escuchando a Franco de Vita mientras hago esto...

Mi mentor me asignó tanto de trabajar, en adición a todo lo que tengo que hacer, plus applying to grad school it's no field day...

Lemme get back to my readings...

Unsure...[as always]

For Rosie:

Thanks, I don't get it
future stuff
have to figure now:
'senza soldi'
among many things

“Put it for later”
Can't do that
Living the present
burden
when future is almost there
or at least when
you have to think about it
because you have to think about it!

'Che cosa farai,
quando domani sono qui'
what to do
when you know the expiration date
when everything dies
and you move on?

Do you not keep side
when is known
the day of certain death?
Do you not keep side
when is know
the day of div...

encourage anything?
why not buy the ticket already...

the final straw...

The sense of foreboding never came alone, it was always in the cruel company of time's separation and Eros impulsiveness...

for this I say goodbye to empathy, because the dreams of long corridors and sweaty awakenings are not real... I alone must face the horror within...the bitterness in my voice is gone, like the apprehension of losing what was close to me, because it's already enjoying the exclusiveness of being them and not us...

and this is goodbye because I feel ashamed of being so naive... and my face is gone...
I am again, what I was not too long ago...not even a ghost, but a mere shadow in shambles...

When I said that happiness wasn't forever, I never thought it was more than half true...

...creating emotional disorders in the ones you love
Sincerely yours... Big D.

Ponder...

Title: HIV/AIDS
Date: 4 de julio de 2007 11:36 AM
Category: Personal
Tags:

Como he estado leyendo tanto para mi revision de literatura para mi trabajo de investigación, ya me encuentro saturado de un tema en específico: La explosión del VIH/SIDA en áreas urbanas por los migrantes varones de las areas rurales. Quiero decir, este no es el unico factor que acrecenta esto, pero nonetheless...

I find myself in a conundrum... Es fácil criticar a el “otro” el extraño que es migrante, que es pobre y el cual estamos ajenos de sus circunstancias particulares por las cuales se encuentra en la situación que se encuentra. Pero, El comercio del sexo está en gran demanda en aquellos lugares donde los hombres se encuentran lejos de sus familias. Ante esta situación hay miles factores no biológicos que están mediando esta situación, como las expectativas por género. Aún así, me perturba el hecho de que sea “natural” y normal el unstoppable “drive” sexual del hombre.

And I don't need a biology lesson here, cause I know... pero a la vez, no puedo dejar de pensar en todo el bagaje “cultural” y racional el cual nos permitió adaptarnos y evolucionar. No creo que uno deba ir en contra de sus impulsos naturales, but where does it stop? I mean, entiendo lo del sexo 24/7, pero no puedo evitar el pensar porqué no es permitido el golpear a alguien hasta matarlo, pues uno puede sentirse con ira (tanto fisiológicamente como emocionalmente), o sea porqué no es socialmente aceptado eso, y porqué sí el sentido insaciable de reproducción o placer. Though la respuesta parece obvia, no lo es...

Se ve como natural que si el hombre abandona el campo, y se va a la ciudad en China, India, Bangladesh, Sur África, y La mayoría de las sociedades centro y suramericanas, entre otros más, que se sacie con un@ trabajador@ de la industria del sexo... It seems as if were not meant to be monogamous...

Then, what the hell are we supposed to be? Creo que esa es una pregunta que cada religión contesta de una forma particular, pero no estoy buscando una respuesta desde el marco religioso, cause I know most of them. Me pregunto, cual es la verdadera naturaleza del ser humano... y creo que hay un matiz aquí desde los insaciables sexuales, hasta los que se abstienen ocasionalmente por desición propia. ¿Cual es el máximo placer? Creo que tal cosa, es un vestigio positivista de los cabrones pensadores decimonónicos
*sighs*

If you look about how monogamous relationships came to be defined in human history, you would see that it's rooted on keeping resources to oneself and the begginings on rational egoism... Pero estamos tan rooted onto that, que ¿Cómo salimos de esa ideología? ¿Es necesario salir de esa ideología, o sea hace falta ese cambio? ¿Porqué?

Si algo me he dado cuenta, es que todo lo que aprendo nuevo...me complica la existencia, en el sentido masoquista de la palabra.

Todo es tan momentáneo y tan efímero a veces...

No se ni que carajo I am now...Un conservador? A prude?

Pienso demasiado las cosas... Though I am an avid learner, so...

How about that?

Well...Things here in South Africa have made me adjust to many things in my routine, like taking public transportation to work, wake up really early, the "hurricane like" winds and the unusual (for my tropical self) june-july winter of the southern hemisphere.

The hardest part of all...las personas que amo están viviendo 6 horas atrás de mi presente...

It sucks! to form new routines and being thrown with complete strangers in a foreign country miles and miles away from home. I'm used to having little "me times" during the day or the week and I find myself asphyxiated sometimes with having people so different around me...
Pero por otro lado, me agrada tener a una puertorriqueña de los EU viviendo conmigo, pues aprendido muchas cosas diferentes...

Cheers!