Monday, October 27, 2008

why?

Am I ok, because I let everything off my chest???
Or because I talked to him?...

I hate this uncertain feeling... But at least I feel ok...

Sunday, October 26, 2008

...

Soñé con mami de nuevo...

so...

I spent a bit of money today shopping... But I needed warmer clothes...and I missed shopping (even If I sound like Malibu Barbie saying it)...

I miss not being able to worry about spending money on clothes...damn grad school!!!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

No more of this...

It's just matter of time...
Time will heal everything...

Though I hate to admit that I do miss talking to him. We're on this unspoken-self imposed-non speaking-terms agreement...

It's amazing how much you can miss someone and suddenly forget a lot of things on the way, like the reasons why you broke up in the first place.

Love is not supposed to be blind...though your feelings might want to tell you otherwise (like they are trying to do right now)...It's good to have friends and people that will try and make everything clear, so you can be kept in check...

Cause the breakup was for a reasons significant enough to dissolve something that lasted for a year and something...

And distance can be a bitch...and it's so frustrating that he couldn't wait for me (which I guess it's understandable)... It's just that (sadly) this event makes the past seem somewhat ethereal. As if the words, the caring, the love was all a façade (though I know it wasn't)...cause if you love someone, why can you not wait? Why not make sacrifices? I mean we are already adults and everybody around me reminds me of that when I see my elementary school friends with marriages, children and divorces...

I had to grow up some time ago when my mom passed away, and slowly but steadily I have made my way; and I don't mean to be praised by this, cause it's not something to be be praised for, it was just my way to cope with her death, and nobody should have to bear that at such a young age (and that's why I think it's harder on my sisters). Again, moving here on my own, with my own money and my own resources was again a reminder of this adult stage, just in case I ever forgot. But as an adult, I felt ready to start taking responsibilities, sacrifices...heck dare I say even marriage? (though this wasn't very feasible because we were going to study in different places) But what I mean is that I was ready, I felt ready to do something that was more long-term.

This perspective is what makes us different...I grew up fast in the last couple of years and became independent because of my circumstances. I did not depend on my father or anyone. And i think this situation is very common among many people that I know and in my socioeconomic status. Because he depends greatly on his parents, and I now understand that it is not easy for him to pick up everything and make a decision, cause he is not doing much by himself...and this was never a problem and it's not necessarily a bad thing, but now that I think about it...it resurfaces in this situation.

So, I must remind myself that feelings can be misleading, though not necessarily ill intentioned. I truly believed in all the love that I got to enjoy with him...but the garden of forking paths came, and it was not about a story within a story, more like a definite chapter.

And right now, I feel OK...for the moment I feel at peace... More like satisfied. It's not that he doesn't deserved me (cause that sounds wrong and weird) he did, because we were together for a while, but in the future I need someone that wants to be in that same future with me...
----
it's too late to think clearly anymore, and I'm going to bed. Tomorrow I have to go to another football game to carry out more field work.

Laters...

Friday, October 24, 2008

not alone...

Most certainly I am not...

There are people out there, old friends...new friends...
and they care...and I can talk to them, and i feel ok...

I am surprised and I feel happy about this...

I don't need the relationship ties that I had anymore...
Though they were good while they lasted, I feel better leaving them behind now...
and lol, I am not bitter or anything...I am just at peace :)

There are some Yoga classes at school that I'm thinking in joining, cause it's been hectic lately and some relaxation cannot do harm :)

Starting out new it's always a great new opportunity :)

Current song: Pies Descalzos by Shakira

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Current Playlist...


  1. 3 libras by A Perfect Circle
  2. Falling Slowly by Glen Hansard and Marketa Inglova
  3. Wonderwall by Oasis
  4. Passive by A Perfect Circle
    ---update---
  5. Slipping Away by Moby
  6. How to Save a Life by the Fray
  7. Escapar by Moby and Amaral
  8. So Jealous by Tegan & Sara

3 Libras

Or Taurus, just for the sake of being culturally sensitive (if you know what I mean)

I'm a bit hurt, though like the bit part says, just a bit... I won't go on with this (I hope) so I'll just let it out now and be done with it...

I never thought I had to cue this song again, but this is one of those times where 'shitty' doesn't fit cause it's too messy a description to capture the organized madness that he's throwing at me...Madness I tell you...

threw you the obvious and you flew
with it on your back, a name in your recollection,
thrown down among a million same.
difficult not to feel a little bit disappointed
and passed over
when i've looked right through
to see you naked and oblivious
and
you don't see me.but i threw you the obvious
just to see if there's more behind the eyes
of a fallen angel,
the eyes of a tragedy.
here i am expecting just a little bit
too much from the wounded.
but i see through it all
and see you.
so i threw you the obvious
to see what occurs behind the eyes of a fallen angel,
eyes of a tragedy.
oh well. apparently nothing.
you don't see me.
you don't see me at all.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Sundays...

The only bad thing about Sundays, is that for sure, I have to read a book for tomorrow :)...

Have a good one!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Thursday, October 16, 2008

HA! (How could I be so naive?)

I laugh at that last post...How could I ever think that a 'slow' week would come up in the middle of the semester. Anyway, I've been working my ass off this week, for work and schoolwork...
I'm so looking forward for it to be 8:40 p.m. already.... I can't wait to get home and really relax.

-----

This Saturday I'm going to another football game, as part of my research project for a class, and I think it's going to be fun (the research not the game)...

Laters

Monday, October 13, 2008

this is a nice surprise...

This week readings are not that hard...
a book for today's class,
3 chapters for wednesday's class
4 chapters for Thursday... This looks promising :)

Hello new world...

I'm going to a football game this next Saturday...I'm going with a new friend and I hope to have more fun than the first time. Also, because I will be conducting my research there. College students behavior in football games...
---
now, on to my never ending exam that I'm writing...

Sunday, October 12, 2008

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Asleep

My sleeping patters are fucked up!
I need to fix this, cause I'm having problems staying awake... Cause now I'm very tired, and I still have a lot of work to do.

My iPhone agent18 cover came today...

Friday, October 10, 2008

I'm

I'm
Hungry


David Colón-Cabrera

Week

Long...
Long...
Long...

----

I have to catch up on my readings, and now I'm super tired... My sleeping patterns are fucked up and I'm physically tired...

p.s. I am becoming an awesome cook!!!

Wednesday, October 08, 2008

Maps de las Yeah Yeah Yeahs...

Maps de las Yeah Yeah Yeahs...
Indeed they won't love you like I love you...
On another note, I want to do this traveling thing more frequently,
cause I don't know exactly what it is, but it feels great and
liberating!


David Colón-Cabrera

Monday, October 06, 2008

NYC from NJ side


A pic to go with that last post.

Returning...

I'm on my way back to DC. I went to a concert: Tegan & Sara..and it was awesome!
This was great...who would've thought that a trip to New York (on my own) was going to be so awesome...cause I met a lot of interesting people on the way...I'm liking this nomadic lifestyle. :)

Friday, October 03, 2008

Total incompetence!

I was going to go out today... and I didn't write down the number correctly...So i ended up not going cause the number I wrote was disconnected apparently!!
Next time, Next Friday it will be!!!

Yesterday, the debate... It was amazing! Palin is creeping me out by the minute though, but they prepped her damn good...I'm just care that people believe her bullshit!

---

I'm going to New York Tomorrow!!!