Tuesday, December 26, 2006

Long time, no see...

Long time since I haven't been here...
I don't talk on msn
I don't blog
I'm burned out.

And I have had the sudden impulses of meeting people but then just *sighs*.
Someone is hurting me too much at this moment, and I sincerely don't know what to do. It's one of those love-hate relationships in which you find yourself trapped between: "He loves me, he loves me not..." y pa completar tuve uno de esos sueños freakys en el que todo es cool y superfine con esa persona que en verdad no lo es en estos momentos. Me siento como cuando tenía los sueños esos con Lorrie luego de que nos dejamos, y soñaba que todo estaba bien. How I hated waking up at that time!

This Thursday a friend from California is coming with his girlfriend to visit me, and I'm ecstatic about that.
Anyone want to play Risk with me? I received it yesterday by mail (since not a single store in Puerto Rico has the best board game ever!)

I'll be around...

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Snow Patrol

I am in love with Snow Patrol...
I have a lot of work to do, an a Summer internship deadline for next Thursday.
WORK WORK WORK

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

Sunday, October 29, 2006

fucking a...

Blast, it has to be 12:00 a.m. for me to remember that I had to send my poster for the washington conference before 8 a.m tomorrow...so guess who's doing that at the last minute, because he forgot! aahhh! after all a weekend just doing nothing...

Saturday, October 14, 2006

eva

I just finished watching the end of evangelion for the second time...
I am still freaked out, like the first time...

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

time

where is my time?
where is my time?
...
  1. Tengo un revisión biliográfica extensiva para mi "tesina" en la que voy a trabajar en el próximo año y medio.(ni si quiera tengo que pensar todo lo que tengo que leer para esto...)
  2. Next thursday...poster practice for The COR Colloquium.
  3. Finish building the data base for the research project I am working on "extra-curricularly"
  4. October 23-Ensayo monográfico de antropologia demografica...(son como 300 paginas que tengo que leer para esto, incluyendo journal articles)
  5. October 25 Archaeology Test
  6. October 26
    1. Hand in Final list of interships/research experiences for next summer.
    2. Hand in Bibliography for my "tesina"

  7. November 1-5... COR Colloquium at Washington D.C.
  8. November 15
    1. Tercer Ensayo de Antropología demográfica.
    2. Entregar trabajo final de arqueología...(which I hate and is a lot, a lot of work!)



This is me venting...and complaining.

Sunday, October 01, 2006

living...

We all need a life...(most of us).
And in some weird way I am satisfied because I am using mine...but then again, maybe that's just my super ego trying to make me clean my room...

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

OMG...oreos milked in garlic

Oh God, if you do exist grant me some life (to spice up this masque settled in the tropical isle). Don't tell me that you don't exist, or worse that you are on vacation...
"How do you do? How does it feel to be so high?"...but all I get is the persistent tone of me talking alone, and it gets deja vu'ish by the minute.
I better go then, and fall out of love once and for all!

But I'm tired of the new dresses, the new court, the summer progress, the old castle, the new birth, (give me a son!), the old pope, the new way, the weird way, the clock and the new dynasties...I want to be...what? What shall I be? Because if there is one thing I have learned is that be careful in what you wish for, or be anal-retentive about it...

I just need to rest...I am planning a well needed vacation or a well planned suicide (not as needed as the vacation but...who knows, maybe I will get some rest)!

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

*clears throat*

Tengo Catarro...
and I'm reading abut Neanderthals and the middle pleistocene and shit like that...
Tengo calor by the way...

Monday, September 18, 2006

Nerdy nerd nerd

I got excited when my Anthropology professor gave me this:
Ethnology=Social-Cultural Anthropology

my very own ethnography kit for our next wednesday and friday ethnology workshops with field work included!
He gave me my own field notebook, a notepad, pencils, pen, and all personalized...
*hearts my professor in a very platonic way...not in the true platonic way though, but just in the mainstream/cliché kind of platonic way*
so...ecstatic just not describes it, cause he gave the same stuff to 8 of us paying it himself (damn my bureaucratic university!!!). Little things, but significant...as I will cherish this moment for a long time. Teachers like him are awesome!
I'm a happy for being an undergraduate ethnographer!

Monday, September 04, 2006

Sims

Se supone que esté leyendo para completar mi ensayo de antropología el miércoles y lo que quiero hacer es jugar sims...maldita sea ese juego.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Thursday, August 31, 2006

Midnight Call

So I get a call this morning at midnight:
"David!"
"Hello Erika"
"I'm 21 David"
"oh right...it's the 31'st already. Happy Birthday. Oh man, you're going to get fucked up now, aren't you?"
"H e l l y e a h !!! I'm going to a bar right now!"

:) My Cornell friends are unforgettable...and that's cool

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Academia...

The first thought that comes to mind is: "Fuck...I've been reading all day." Naturally the first reaction comes after that and equally says: "Fuck, I stink." So my Mondays are hell cause I am almost twelve hours in campus, same thing on wednesdays. Thing is that Tuesdays are my days off (apart from weekends), but they don't feel like a day off. I am always reading, or doing something. Like today...
Woke up
...finish a reading on cognitive psychology...done
Update Curriculum Vitae...done
Update Statement...slash that! Couldn't do it.
Make revised draft of Abstract...done
Eat...
Read a paper on Construction of gender roles in puerto rican college students written by my mentor...done
Eat... my family does not love me and didn't prepare food.
Start reading a paper on the subject of Cognitive psychology... in progress
Blogging...currently...DONE!

And I still need to read loads more of papers done by my mentor and for anthropology!

And what's with this always writing about school things? Where did my life went? the drama? the love-life??? "Fuck...*searches for scholarly articles on love*"

Monday, August 21, 2006

...Archaeology o Arqueologia

...y aprendí a poner acentos en mi iMac. Y Dios vio que todo estaba bien. De este modo se completó el cuarto día.
Génesis 1,12-13

Saturday, August 19, 2006

...again?

I have been stood up for the second day in a row...
for the first minute I was mad...now I'm just a crazy mess!

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I'm a Emo-Blogger!

Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:17:02 PM)
David


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:17:06 PM)
que es para ti el amor?


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:17:40 PM)
estoy haciendo una encuesta


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:17:43 PM)
ya shinji contesto


Dave Khan says: (10:18:07 PM)
el amor es UNA FIEBRE ERRATICA!!!!


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:18:19 PM)
LOL


Dave Khan says: (10:19:05 PM)
El amor...


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:19:10 PM)
shinji dijoLuis D...estoy tan aburrido q no puedo ni dormir says:
una decision , un compromiso


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:19:15 PM)
eso me gusto


Dave Khan says: (10:20:22 PM)
un estado en el cual alguien evoca una memoria que a su vez trae un sentimiento de placer con una excitacion fisiologica euforica


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:20:37 PM)
jajajaja


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:21:27 PM)
y que queda despues de todo eso


Dave Khan says: (10:22:06 PM)
un sentido de vacio que se llena al tratar de autoflagelarse cuando se recuerda a la persona que lleno ese vacio


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:22:40 PM)
o sea que el amor para ti es lo que me acabas de decir


Dave Khan says: (10:23:05 PM)
tengo otra idea


Dave Khan says: (10:23:38 PM)
el amor es dolor y punto

Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:24:31 PM)
lo de arriba me parecia mas certero


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:24:36 PM)
por que dolor?


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:24:54 PM)
pensaba que lo veias como un reflejo entre el cuerpo y las emociones


Dave Khan says: (10:25:19 PM)
ay que lindo suena eso


Dave Khan says: (10:25:32 PM)
porque al fin y al cabo todo se acaba


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:25:40 PM)
si


Dave Khan says: (10:25:46 PM)
y cuando se acaba algo, duele por el vacio que deja


Dave Khan says: (10:25:56 PM)
no se define por lo que deja al final


Dave Khan says: (10:26:07 PM)
pero ciertamente afecta grandemente


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:26:20 PM)
ok


Dave Khan says: (10:26:23 PM)
todas tus memorias


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:26:42 PM)
pero entonces no es solamente dolor


Dave Khan says: (10:26:49 PM)
la gente se va, se aleja y se muere


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:26:53 PM)
claro


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:26:57 PM)
todo el tiempo


Dave Khan says: (10:27:04 PM)
no es solamente dolor, pero yo lo veo como dolor


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:27:35 PM)
pero si fuera asi todo seria dolor


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:27:48 PM)
de hecho desde que me levanto hasta que me acuesto


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:27:50 PM)
algo me duele


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:27:59 PM)
desde la cabeza hasta mas adentro


Persephone [chagueo mode] says: (10:28:02 PM)
quizas el corazon


Dave Khan says: (10:28:04 PM)
porque amas



Que mal...

...

Ok...so I have an account on a website where I download albums that I can't find anywhere (or are too expensive elsewhere like the Solaris Soundtrack) and they sent me a message today saying: Your music wish is fulfilled! Please check-out your wish list weeeeeeee!!!!!!

The site is ridiculously cheap too!

The Geography of Thought...

So Grey's Anatomy has me hooked and my iMac is possessing my existence...I officially have no life!

I got the weirdest feeling today in which I wanted to get married...
no more to say...Enough for one day!

Sunday, August 13, 2006

Mi Mac

Last Sunday of a series of events which I would like to call summer...
I have this nasty tendency of recollecting everything I did, for future reference (as if I where that famous...), but still, the very idea of putting these ideas here is a vague idea of just that: having delusions of grandeur in a way in which I can say: "Well, I don't think of myself as that important, I just write these things here to let them all out, and if someone reads them that's cool...if not, that's cool too cause I'm not doing it for anyone, but for me."
But if it is for my own pleasure. then it's for my pleasure of publishing things and leave them in ambiguity so that others may or may not stumble into them...pretty weird if u ask me, but who is asking me anyway...

Back into the summer thing, it was full, weird, life changing and definitively the summer I will remember as my 22 summer, which ironically I didn't spend in my home...

Back into my life now!

Monday, July 31, 2006

Because I could not stop for death...

Cornell kindly stopped for me...

estoy terminando mi trabajo de verano... *sighs* quiero terminar ya de escribir!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

:(

I finished my poster for my presentation this weekend, and I wanted to keep on writing my paper, but my computer could not take it anymore...And decided to die...

We have not declared it clinically dead yet, because it's still trying to boot up, but it just won't...The compaq logo is just not appearing! So while it is still breathing (powering up) it's brain dead!...

Farewell my thee laptop, those were some good times you brought me!
...
...
the plug has been pulled...Sadly!
Service will be held at 4133 Balch Hall, Cornell University at 7:00 p.m. when the body will become exposed for reverence, for about a week!
Another memorial service will be held, next Thursday in Guaynabo, Puerto Rico, where close friends and family can bid their last goodbyes, before it will be in it's resting place.
As the laptop would've wanted to it will be buried on it's homeland of Puerto Rico...Even though Mr. Laptop didn't speak well Spanish, he used to enjoy some native music like bomba, reguetton and some occasional local pop; naturally music formerly played by our recent decesaed will be played at it's services.
Thank you all, The family would like some closure now...Even though we might not be able to be in the best of moods, condolences will be welcomed. Thanks for your understanding and may our lord savior Jesus-Christ guide my beloved laptop to eternal bliss!

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

...Bad day...
when I get in a bad/sad mood...the worst comes out of me...

Monday, July 17, 2006

Niagara Falls was fun, not only the falls itself, but the whole trip....

Friday, July 14, 2006

So I need to post this thing here just in case...

Ok...this is it!
I have only three more weeks here (exactly 20 days) but only 12 days to complete all the shit I have to do here... two weeks to wrap up the research, to start analysis, to write a paper and give two presentations (one of which is in a symposium in Chantilly,Virginia)... two weeks!
so I'll be pretty busy doing my work and blah blah blah...thing is, I'm going to disconnect myself for a while. To all of those that I didn't talk too much in the summer and to all of those who I still keep in contact take this as you want. I won't make calls, but I'll receive them if you want to compromise...
Thanks and I hope to see y'all when I get back!
I'm going to read...
~Spanish Version~
Voy a estar ocupado, necesito escribir un trabajo de mi investigación 'de verano y no voy a estar disponible. Si me llamas bienvenido seas, si no te llamo, es que estoy mega ocupado... espero ver a mucha gente pronto!

Friday, July 07, 2006

...
Still can't sleep!!!
no more Venti White Chocolate Mocha with almond syrup for me at 9 p.m.
...
...
...
still, it has helped me a lot by making me concentrate on my work!

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

...

I have so much work to do, and so little time to do it... :(
I feel in despair *sighs*
I need to finish my research for the summer...
next summer, I'm going to UCLA!
I have so much work to do, and so little time to do it... :(
I feel in despair *sighs*
I need to finish my research for the summer...
next summer, I'm going to UCLA!

Sunday, July 02, 2006

This operation has been abandoned once again...

El suplicio estacional no es ya un suplicio, si no una bendición del diablo. Si es así, que me lleve a el calor entre sus piernas y libere mi encarnación de tal posesión, pues si sucediera una vez más, juro ante Cristo Nuestro Señor que me encargaría de volar por siete segundos antes de llegar al fondo (que no es más que el techo o el principio) de una dulce tentación.
Tu madre es la única que me puede ayudar. Dándome su ternura pasional, se entrega ante mí y se devela multidimensionalmente satisfaciendo todo sentido erógeno demandante. Y el olor me intoxica...agrio sabor asfixiante; éxtasis. Apreciar la conciencia luego de cuarenta y dos pronunciados en un millón de años y...¿Siente?

El nuevo, el cambio, el hijo y el espiritu santo....Glorificado sea el penetrante pensamiento del padre que no cabe en el hijo. Te aseguro que los sucesos se desenvolverían de otra manera si hubiera sabido como salvar una vida. Y es la vida del que se va volando, con sus nuevas extremidades incubadas por un relativo largo periodo de la redundancia. ¿Dónde fué que todo...? El descanso con Penelope me llevó a desear un beso ficticio, pero el sueño se acabó y no podría estar más feliz.
La ignorancia está en el umbral tomando té con las expectativas. Pero mis dos amigos me abrazaron hoy...tanto Cristo como el diablo, me aman y están conmigo.

Saturday, July 01, 2006

this is an audio post - click to play
Nueva adicción: Jugar Risk II en computadora!
El club del desayuno

y todos volvemos a la normalidad una vez nuestras personalidades han sido descifradas:
El popular, la princesa, el caso de la canasta, el problemático y el estofón.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No puedo dejar de pensar en el sueño de Davidia, y cuán real fue el beso de su hermana...

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

Boots

There comes a certain point in your life where you realize you need Jedi Boots...
I want those...now!
I wish I could stay at Cornell a little while more...to get to know a little bit more people than the actual Breakfast Club

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Yeah, so...I feel ok now. Better I should say!
I feel a lot different and more engaged in my project. Today came the other girl which is doing voluntary work and I had to train her, and she will be helping me. Tomorrow I'll start working on recruiting people for the experiment, which I'm looking forward to.

I hate my english, is very very bad! I cannot speak well or clearly, and it's frustrating.

I'm doing laundry and an outline for the progress report I have to for tomorrow at lunch.
I feel I can live alone with myself, at least for now.
(me is feeling good :D)

Sunday, June 11, 2006

...fun times huh? not at cornell!

I felt alone and tired. Being in my room for a couple of hours was not fun, especially when I was reading for work. A call from dad, even though he didn't say anything special (like usual) but I felt better.*sighs* I dunno, maybe I do want to come back...Maybe I don't want graduate school at all!

Friday, June 09, 2006

The Abstract...

I have to do an abstract by today on the research I'm supposed to be doing on the summer. I did it yesterday but did such a crappy job, that I had it revised and I'm going to do it again today.

As of tomorrow, it's a week since I came to Cornell. I have so many mixed feelings about it. I feel ok when I'm in my dorm room, and talking and playing cards with all the people I have met here, but...It's a long day working!

...I am alone for 10 days, cause my graduate student advisor is going on vacation, so I have the lab for myself.

I hate to do this abstract thing!

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Dove sono Davide?

y el dia del arrivo llega...
Tengo la mente en blanco y no puedo llegar resoluciones...
es medio frustrante el tener que vivir en un pais lleno de climas bipolares.
Estoy hablando mierda...me voy

Saturday, May 20, 2006

At last...

I have abandoned blogger altogether for a more sane addiction to My Space.
The thing is that Finally, terminé mi semestre and I couldn't be happier, porque I was already exhausted mentally...
This was the semester I cracked! like whoa!... I dind't finish tests, didn't do term papers on the due date, and asked for incomplete in 2 classes (which the professors sayed no, and instead gave me some kind of opportunity)...Still, I managed to go along that, and end the semester with A in all my classes, without counting the final exams or works... I don't feel good with myself with the results...todo se lo debo a mi reputación de buen estudiante (which I have backed up all this time though)...but still, everybody can crack up every once in a while so, whatever!

I have exactly 2 weeks remaining in Puerto Rico.. Two saturdays from now, at this time, I am going to be welcomed by the Cornell University Summer Research Program comitee in Ithaca, NY. I am going to get settled in in my single dorm room, maybe get a tour, hit some mall, I dunno...
the thing is that I'm excited, but at the same time, I feel uneasy...I want to go, but not really... :(

Monday, May 15, 2006

Almost at Cornell!

...*sighs* this is not good...
en tres sábados me voy para Cornell y creo que mis sentimientos hacia ciertas personas me van a traicionar en el camino...

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Moments when life is worth it:
1)Cornell University sends your flight and two month schedule for this summer.
2)That you have been such an outstanding student that you can "slack off" sometimes in the following classes: Humanities, History, Geography and sometimes Psychology; and Professors will understand that you can make it up anytime, because you're such a "Great student who contributes greatly to class"
-also such an outstanding student that The University of Marylan, The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, and UCLA (apart from Cornell) wanted you for their summer programs...(I wanted to go to UCLA, but they took too much time to answer me, so I accepted Cornell at the end, and just when I had just accepted they contact me to say: Congratulations... their loss anyway *scoffs*).
3)When is 1:00 a.m., and you haven't finished your psychology research proposal presentation (due this morning) and you're masturbating over and over again, even though there is pain involved...
-While watching porn...
-While wearing a crucifix that its sole purpose is to remind you to put a salsa dip in your backpack the next day...
4) When you have Mozilla Firefox and the following pages open:
-Fiordo, Wikipedia
-Noam Chomsky, Wikipedia
-Sapir-Whorf Hypothesis, Wikipedia
-World View, Wikipedia
-Psycholinguistics, Wikipedia
-Aphasia, Wikipedia
-Feral Child, Wikipedia
-Free Sex Pictures and Movies
5)When you buy a Linguistic Bibliography of Spanish in Puerto Rico for future reference for my research interests.
6)When you actually feel good about yourself...
7)When you are actually doing something to feel good about yourself...
8)When you feel good about yourself.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Annie are you ok? Are you ok, Annie?

Funny thing that when you're alone....The overthinking starts...::: sorta in a 'crescendo' way...

you get tired of... Thinking or being alone?
It's better to think that it's the thinking part, right? No? Oh well, just go along, please!

That's why I am morphing...That's why I'm not scared in embracing The Loneliness, I am just starting to enjoy it...
I can be whoever I want to be, and I am The Loneliness within...

"I am Catalina, Princess of Spain, daughter of the two greatest monarchs the world has ever known...And I will be Queen of England."

Thursday, March 30, 2006

god

this is interesting, go check it Very insightful

I'm actually lost...

Maybe it's when you get hungry and your stomach starts to growl, when you realize how lucky you are for having friends. Friends who extend their hand in support when you most need it. But days pass and the carcass start to rot...And thus smell!

You take refuge by studying [like that will help get things off your mind] and start to think other things, but at the end of night, you are listening to your respiration in the dark bed that is not yours...You thank again your friends and they start to get tired of that word. But you cannot imagine yourself without their helping hand...And a random hug every week and so...
The ceiling is not yours and you start counting the dots and the dust in the corners. Not even the soothing smell of your friend's home alleviates your frustration of not being able to call it yours...Oh! But it's not even about that, it's about feeling comfortable and not feeling like a goddamn bum that's basking in someone's charity...Pride is such an awful thing when you get raised middle class!

The big home and the small home. The big plates of food, the little ones too. The Soothing odors again, that clearly distinguishes him, from him, from her! And how that reminds you again, of what you don't have right now. AN WHAT YOU WILL NEVER HAVE TOO!!!
...Be-Loved...And you start again thinking property. "NO! It's not property..."
You start thinking of hugs! "HUGS? What the hell is wrong with you? Be a man. A manly man!!!"
Kisses, a necklace...Utupia;and your stomach growls again. Reality snaps back, again, and again and aga...

Sunday, March 26, 2006

Mi familia me encojona tanto...
y como estoy estudiando psicología, pretenden que tenga paciencia y objetividad con ellos...(maybe solo los que estudien psicología o si están relacionados con el tema me entenderán)...
"Here you go Dave, congratulations for completing your dual degree on Psychology and Anthropology. Along with your diploma we hereby grant you Patience and Objetivity Forever. Use it well my pupil."

O maybe es como dijo una amiga mía...La objetividad y la paciencia la aprendes en el doctorado, *sighs*

Saturday, March 18, 2006

Panic Attack...
in class the other day. I mean, what the hell is wrong with me?
I thought that the stress was mental, pero na, this is not the first time. I will learn to cope with those "things".
and right no I'm confused, really...I don't know how to react to a recent event. Mas o menos es lo que paso con mi ex: a little misunderstanding and *insert possible scenarios here*

Do I take the first step to talk, or leave it just as it is?...*it's just a rhetoric question*

Monday, March 13, 2006

oh well...again

amsmarie14@hotmail.com

Bueno...me acabo de sentar a la computadora que me asignaron en el centro de cómputos y me encuentro con el inbox del email de alguien abierto...que mal, so I decided to have a little fun and this is what I wrote her:

Hola.
No me conoces, porque soy un extraño...no vuelvas a dejar tu correo electrónico "signed in" en ninguna lado, alguien podría cambiar tu password o borrarte los emails de tu querido Manu...
nada, que esto te sirva de lección y dale gracias a los dioses y los cristos en los que no creo que soy tan benevolente y no le hice nada malo a tu cuenta excepto darte este warning. LOL que prepotente sueno, pero bueno...
espero que no vuelva a pasar....
I'L BE WATCHING YOU *insert maniacal laugh*


Eso fue tan childish*sighs* but oh well...
Oh and...I got accepted today at two internship programs: at Cornell and North Carolina...YAY! I'm so happy!

Tuesday, March 07, 2006

Monday, March 06, 2006

pour it out

"There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go.
I never said thank you for that.
I thought I might get one more chance.
What would you think of me now,
so lucky, so strong, so proud?
I never said thank you for that,
now I'll never have a chance.
May angels lead you in.
Hear you me my friends.
On sleepless roads the sleepless go.
May angels lead you in."


Jimmy Eat World, Hear you me"...
Happy Birthday cry baby boy...

Sunday, February 26, 2006

Joy

HA!
I'm so fucking joyful!
.....


I won't stop now...I'm having the time of my life.
I mean gosh, never knew life could be so fun, really!
I have been literally been hanging out all week and all weekends and I have discovered two new great friends, and literally it has been "magical"...
me voy a mi nube ahora...*goes floating off while smiling"

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

:)

I am so happy...
and soon I will be 21, ah...party all week long!
Don't have many words, but I am surprised with myself and everything around me, cause some things are coming in the near future, that I did not foresee coming...
Wow!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Agenda

Necesito un favor:
Dave is almost a professional now (in academic terms...) because he was accepted at this prestigious (what an ego, huh?) program where he will do mentored psychological research investigations for 2 years, while they pay him a large sum of money and his "matricula". Dave is happy with his achievement, and proud of what he was able to achieve. Now, the thing is this honor came with a lot of responsabilities, meaning that Dave will have more stress than ever, and if you know him as I do, you will know that he stresses over every minimal little quiz on class, and does all this big motherfucking "repasos" pa sus exámenes. El punto es que he's like: "Hold me now, I’m six feet from the edge and I’m thinking, that maybe six feet ain’t so far down" (big drama if you ask me), the point!!!: Necesito una agenda pa organizarme, pues tenía una(I mean he had one) y la perdí(o) :(, era la mejor agenda ever... Y el pobre fue ayer a Borders a comprarse una, y las habían retirado todas por alguna razón inexplicable!!! que mal
Please help with the cause, Support a nerd student today by giving him una agenda, con un solo regalo de una agenda, usted hará feliz a un estudiante nerdito por el resto del año...
o vendanmela, I don't care...

Friday, February 10, 2006

Mi internet es mas bipolar que certain people I know...algunos dias se conecta, otros no... esto está de madre...
me regalaron un ipod shuffle by the way...*sighs* así de "cool" han sido estos dias.
no tengo ni ganas de escribir, ni siquiera historias de angeles que son fruit candy...
queria janguear hoy y no pude por la maldita solicitud de michigan que se me borró!!
aaagghh!!!

Monday, February 06, 2006

I lost it...
Il mio cuore è rotto...
Not easy...I want to put it out of my mind, but it gets hard each minute that passes...
Now, I have class and the confrontation of my fears will begin...
que trauma este...

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Viva l'alcohol!

item # 1: Two shots of vodka last night, cured the pain in my throat!
item # 2: I can't put him out of my mind!
item # 3: He's not making it easy though
item # 4: La goma de mi carro exploded! after passing the biggest motherfucking pothole I have seen in my life! (Ironic, that the tire "broke" only 10 months after that dreadful day called my birthday last year, when not one, but two tires went flat) anyway...
item # 5: At least I have friends.
item # 6: At least I am sure I can count on those two friends!
item # 7: I want to have sex with my friends...(completely random you know...I don't even know where that came from, but I'm not going to delete it now, cause I'm on a stream of consciousness...If I delete it, it will be when I re-read this and go: OMFG WHY DID I WROTE THAT? but that's self-conscious Dave, and right now Chilling Dave is on the phone...y'all...
item # 7: Stress y'all...
item # 8: I'm not even sure, but I think it's pretty lame that you do this like I want to not show this, but I actually show it in strikeout, so you will think that I said something that I didn't want you to know, but I do actually want you to know, (because I'm so lame and all... and don't have friends...LOL (that sounded childish)...what the fuck? say it, or don't say it...don't be an attention whore...
item # 9: whore have feelings too you know...
item # 10: A whore can love, like no one else...but, there's also the fact that she has a bitchy attitude along with the package.
item # 11: Even though I don't have a sore throat anymore, I am coughing a lot.
item # 12: La ensalada de Papas es la hostia!
item # 13: Estoy a pie...
item # 14: I am living after all people...YOU HEAR ME! I'm actually going through the fast lane in life...finally!!!

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Stress...*insert musical note here: fa#*
I actually wrote something very cool and all... AND THEN CAME MY FUCKING INTERNET AGAIN, Y SE DAÑÓ!!!
PUÑETA!

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Ha! I felt como la canción de Franz Ferdinand:
"Oh well I woke up tonight and said I
I'm gonna make somebody love me..."

Bah! sueno bien desesperado...and that will not do!
I have been awake since 4:00 a.m. or something even though I got to bed approximately at 12:30 a.m. The stress is getting to me, and this is only the beggining my friends, cause I'm only just starting this research program. I have to apply to more or less 15 universities for a summer internship, and it's exhausting to go trough all those papers and applications, essays, whatever...First deadline? next tuesday! and I'm toast...I'm cracking up you hear me!
I have to get ready now, ir temprano pa la yupi for a change.

Sunday, January 22, 2006


so fucking funny to find myself reading these few entries and laughing at the dramatic effect in them. "what the fuck dave? what's wrong?"
LoL, oh well...
"Hello?"
"Can I call you later, I'm busy right now"
"what?, oh no. it's just that I'm busy planning my life right now."
"three to four hours; more or less"
"ok. enjoy your time then."

Saturday, January 21, 2006

And I quoth: "Cause these are....these are. the confessions of a drunken (?) heart"
I love you.
I love you..
I love you...
I love you....

"isn't it weird. isn't it strange. even though were just two strangers on this runaway train. we're both trying to find. a place in the sun. live in the shadows. doesn't everyone. isn't strange. how we're all just a little bit weird sometimes."

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

I'm giving all my stuff away, please ask me if you want anything
I did it...
no se porque tenia tanto miedo de borrar todo, after all why does it matter? Cause I already gave one of my journals to a friend. A journal whichI treasured and have neve shown to some people, but I gave it to him...why? because it does not matter anymore. The things I wrote there have expired (along with the journal because It didn't encourage me to write there anymore) some time ago.
But then it happened: the realization that nothing is a lot; and then you say: "Nothing compares to you" while a tear trickles down your cheek. After that, you want to cut your hair short, because looks are worthless anyway. Rinse and repeat: why does it matter anyway? why should it matter?
Soon I'll be 21 and all that I've amounted is in a clear paged portfolio that I gave away too. The throphies and medals are collecting dust. "Get rid of them he says"...why does it matter anyway?
Why do we all wait for the postman?

Monday, January 16, 2006

Imagination is so overrated...

Imagination, meaning something I had on full speed at 12 because I was alone being the nerd/obnoxious kid in school and also because I did not attend the neighborhood school which meant my chances of actually getting to know people who lived near me were zero. Then again I had several friends. Bernardette was my next door neighbor and two years older than me, with whom I played almost everyday in my house and in hers; in my playground and in her little wooden house in which we played "mamá y papá". She was significant because she was the first to turn me down: she said "I can't play tomorrow, there's a hurricane coming", and Hugo came and destroyed my window by the way. Then one day or another she was gone, to New York or something with new on it. The next friend still lives on the other street, but we have not talked in years since our growing up clashed in many ways. Then my imagination ran wild with a box my mom gave me, with the encyclopedia at home with it's Zeus and Venus and shit...the books adults gave me, oh what an awesome time it was...(not really...), but seriously it was fun, until high school though, but that's just another thing.
I was a sexual kid (which I now find hard to believe). And I have been masturating since before kindergarten if my memory serves me well: those long trips from Vega Baja to Cataño in my mom's eighty something Toyota were bliss, cause I could touch the back seat of the passenger's seat and after a while, found myself unable to do it any longer and suddenly became tired. But, it was only in my mid teens (funny, cause I'm not out of them yet) that I realized what I have been doing was that shameful thing, ha! Because I was caught doing that several times in different places and felt by my mother's look that it was wrong...nevertheless thank the gods I didn't stop.
Before this sounds like a pedo-playboy-letter kind of thing, I might add that this is about imagination. I was fantasizing all the time in my late childhood about castles, power rangers, me having superpowers and that-which-I-didn't-know-but-now-I-can-tell-it-was-sex. But then came the porn, I mean come on, I became hooked: hooked in wanting more of it, but sadly I didn't have more so I resorted to my imagination to those oh so private moments with myself. Blah Blah Blah, years passed, Internet came, you know, saw this, done that, felt relieved and fulfilled, then it stopped. Porn doesn't surprise me anymore, it's like this long term relationship gone bad, and it has became awkward to even being around it. So, it was like a month ago since I last masturbated (and why the hell do we all care Dave?) and I've been like an old guy, you know, didn't even know if it worked anymore. I tried my imagination, and it didn't work; then I realized that porn has destroyed my sexual imagination (*shakes fist at air* damn you porn!)...So like this old term relationship with it, I got laid with it one more time, then said this won't work anymore I will see other ways and moved along. I hope we can still be friends you know...but I will try to work on me in this time you know, cause I let my imagination slipped away sometime along the way. I need some me time. I have to restructure my whole sexual imagination once again.
Hi, my name is Dave, and this was a hell of a freakish entry. Last night I masturbated again for the first time in a month and got through it succesfully.
Now, I have to work on my crying, I can't cry honestly...well lately I haven't been able to...