Gay

Why does someone have to identify with being a homosexual just because you feel attracted to someone from your own sex... I mean, does straight people are identifying themselves as straight. even though there are like a million different ‘straight’ persons? I mean there are the ones that like really feminine bitches, fat girls, black dudes, asian people, latino thugs... and only homosexuals...

sexual tendencies and attraction are a great thing, but... why the need to identify?


------
and another thing...
always with the bad rap... is it so wrong to say something nice... or nothing at all?

and so it is...

yeah he was... a positivist...
this is sad, and unexpected!

Listening to: That's not my name by The Ting Tings

Positivist???

So I'm reading one of the books as part of my reading assignments...

and the author, just blatantly blurts out...i'm a positivist!!!!


WHAAT??


I need to read keep on reading, because I may be wrong on what I think it entails on being a positivist, but I mean...in this day and age?? and anthropologist??? this is scary...

The book is: Research Methods in Anthropology by H. Russel Bernard

Internet

though taken for granted, one can not be surprised at the ubiquity of Internet nowadays. I mean, not even this post could be possible without it, but like almost everything, you don’t think about something until you lose it, or don’t have as much as you would like to. Oh my, I think this transitioned to something other, but oh well.

My reading list for class... oh gosh, I haven’t even started to read it all. I did start to read, but oh god it’s so much. At least, one of the required readings for the Methods class, I already read a good chunk of it from my seminar class. Writing Culture: The poetics and politics of ethnography, is a very good book, though at times it’s heavy with the same posmodern jargon they are trying to dispel from discipline (anthropology). Quite a heavy undertaking if you ask me! I’m actually proud that I already read this, cause that means that our professor in undergrad taught us well, and some deep actual stuff. I should never think less of my education at the University of Puerto Rico.

Currently listening to Ghost from ladytron, awesome band. I wish that now that I’m in the US, I can catch a concert or show. (Cause next week there is a FREE Julieta Venegas Concert in D.C.). Also, Leave de Glen Hansard (which is the Once movie soundtrack).

Favorite Books and what not...

On my recent trip to Europe, I took Prelude to Foundation by Isaac Asimov with me, to read on the bus rides. Well, not so much as Impressed, but more like I fell in love with the series. I read the next book in just 5 days (and that was in Madrid, while I was still on vacation). That came as no surprise because a few years ago I read I Robot and fell in love with Asimov's writing style. The interweaving of different stories, while maintaining the stories chronicity, is a refreshing take on this ever so charged and overloaded plots that we encounter almost everyday in movies and television. What was surprising (but not unexpected) is to find out that Asimov, was indeed the father of sci-fi. You can see the visions, imagery and the 'futuristic' technology you see from star wars to Star Trek on his works, done a long time before this was all developed. Even the Hitchhiker's guide to the Galaxy (which I also dearly love, for it's absurdist tendencies) makes subtle allusions to Asimov's work. Again I say, Indeed the father of sci-fi.

Sadly, I haven't had much time to read on that lately, as I just moved here for grad school. I guess that happens...now, on to Neon Genesis Evangelion (which I'm watching for the third time!!!)

Belgium crisis and boobs

Belgium is going trough a crisis, one that can be described as these post-modern crisis that we are growing accustomed to seeing every day: the dismemberment of a country because of it's ethnic/linguistic groups. This is happening because the forces that used to bind these groups together, are less tangible now, than they were before. Nowadays this is happening with the french and dutch speaking belges; also, is happening in Kosovo, with it's recent declaration of independence amid international controversy...

Now, what can you do? not much but hey, you can visit this site and show your support by showing a little love...
warning... As the title says the page has women's boobs all over the page. Though I think they're one of Krishna's greatest creation they are still boobs, and some noobs at work may find the page inappropriate, so please don't open it at work or whatever.... The link is here

Boobs for Belgium!

effed up!

It’s so fucked up when you feel you have to stop being yourself to feel a little better... sexuality is fucked up! The world is fucked up!!! People who think that...uugghhh

I’m going to borrow a leaf from my ex’ blog and use nicknames for certain people.

What is it about dreaming about my dead mum all the time... it’s frustrating, annoying even. Her memory haunts me in such a way that I can’t bear to wake up every day like that. It’s not so much as to actually dream about her, but it’s the dream itself. I always dream she’s ok, or still struggling with her sickness. And almost all the time I wake up crying....crying like a wounded bull in a bullfight... no exit, just reality sinking in...

And speaking of the dead...Sol and Luzbel called me just now and last thursday. Is it time already to let the wounds get some air? I mean, is it over? Is it starting? *sighs* I really don’t know... What I need right now is some air...and space (but not the kind of space like ‘go away I need some space’ more like the ‘come back later, I need some air..I’m suffocating cause it’s hot you know)...

I’m going back to sims now...

El extraterrestre

I find it hard to believe that my life would be any worse if my sisters were not born... or the opposite/same which is that our life would be better si mami no se hubiera muerto. Pues Daniel tiene ‘su casa’ en total abandono, sus hijas hacen lo que le da a gana y existe un sentimiento de powerlessness y anarquía en esta casa, digno de cualquier estudio sociológico.

Lo peor de todo es que no sé si es que no quiero hacer nada al respecto, no me importa si hago algo o no pues me voy pronto o estoy cansado de tratar de que me escuchen... nevertheless soy el loco en la casa que nadie escucha porque no sé de la vida, de la calle or any other relevant shit that influences how a house/family should be run.

Y soy el extraterrestre (this is a quote) en casa si trato de ejercer uso de la razón en cualquier aspecto de la cotidianidad... y me dicen desde chiquito que soy adoptao... for god sake’s...

Resumen

So obviously this means que me gradué (aunque con B en economía, which is a fight that I dunno if it’s worth fighting for, but anway) y que regresé luego de 48 días de viaje... And I saw a lot, like I mean, vi tantas cosas que en mi vida podré ver de nuevo en tan poco tiempo. And I am happy for that opportunity...

So much has changed...

Since I started this blog to this date, four years ago... So much has changed.

I opened this writing space for a girl...of course, so much has changed...

Now, I am at one of those moments where you say "I am at the top of my game"...for the moment I guess...

I can't believe four years have passed since I was a student at Mayagüez, and now I'm going to graduate...

and going to study in Maryland for the next 5 years or so for my PhD...Hooray for change!

Amen!

not like that

no todo es perfecto, más si todo lo fuer no creo que sería feliz...

guardias de seguridad de la Iupi

Tengo una idea... me dieron un ticket en la yupi por estacionarme y bloquear el tránsito... kinda true, pero me encojona que los guardias estén por ahí y no hagan na, dejando que otros carros estén bloqueando el tránsito mientras ellos descansan en los árboles y chistean, etc...
Nice nice idea...

hard hard hard

Not one of my best days...
like so many others in the past...
me siento como una sombra de lo que fui, o lo que seré...

Deux

We come back
defeated
beaten
sad
giù...
Mad
Barking mad!

Cansado, y ya estoy cansado,
esto está mal...
so wrong.

sleep for a while...

a day

Y así incurro en otro día de la vida de aprendiz. Aprendo a escribir como los maestros y hago mi vida de acuerdo a lo que se espera de mí.
Organizo mi vida de acuerdo a las prioridades, de lo que los que van antes de mi han hecho, y lo demás se deja a un lado, para cuando tengas tiempo.
El tiempo libre no es tuyo, si no que depende de las expectativas del ocio académico.
Las interacciones fuera de este ámbito, son altamente desalentadas pues no te permiten desarrollar tu potencial, en adición que no comprenden la seriedad de tus compromisos.
Cumplir con esto, solo te pone al lado de muchos otros, y no te garantiza nada. Mas la no adherencia a estos preceptos, te excluye inmediatamente de los otros, de los maestros y de los aprendices.
...
...y bebo vino

Casi casi acepto

Acepto que me voy,
pero primero el 'Gran Tour'...
Me voy
y no lloro
ni triste, no más...

Todo se mueve
adelante
no desvíos
el afecto no merece desvíos
cuando pobre eres
o cuando chavos tienes:
expectativas y deseos,
no dinero y deseos...

No lloro, solo deseo...
pero ya no quiero
lo que antes deseaba
ahora solo quiero
irme
y salvar una vida,
o la mia
qualcuna che prima aparezca

Working...

So I'm at work right, and I don't want to read any more journals about stress, cause ironically it's making me stressed (no pun intended, if there was any).

Y lo que me perturba es que estoy escuchando a Franco de Vita mientras hago esto...

Mi mentor me asignó tanto de trabajar, en adición a todo lo que tengo que hacer, plus applying to grad school it's no field day...

Lemme get back to my readings...

Unsure...[as always]

For Rosie:

Thanks, I don't get it
future stuff
have to figure now:
'senza soldi'
among many things

“Put it for later”
Can't do that
Living the present
burden
when future is almost there
or at least when
you have to think about it
because you have to think about it!

'Che cosa farai,
quando domani sono qui'
what to do
when you know the expiration date
when everything dies
and you move on?

Do you not keep side
when is known
the day of certain death?
Do you not keep side
when is know
the day of div...

encourage anything?
why not buy the ticket already...

the final straw...

The sense of foreboding never came alone, it was always in the cruel company of time's separation and Eros impulsiveness...

for this I say goodbye to empathy, because the dreams of long corridors and sweaty awakenings are not real... I alone must face the horror within...the bitterness in my voice is gone, like the apprehension of losing what was close to me, because it's already enjoying the exclusiveness of being them and not us...

and this is goodbye because I feel ashamed of being so naive... and my face is gone...
I am again, what I was not too long ago...not even a ghost, but a mere shadow in shambles...

When I said that happiness wasn't forever, I never thought it was more than half true...

...creating emotional disorders in the ones you love
Sincerely yours... Big D.

Ponder...

Title: HIV/AIDS
Date: 4 de julio de 2007 11:36 AM
Category: Personal
Tags:

Como he estado leyendo tanto para mi revision de literatura para mi trabajo de investigación, ya me encuentro saturado de un tema en específico: La explosión del VIH/SIDA en áreas urbanas por los migrantes varones de las areas rurales. Quiero decir, este no es el unico factor que acrecenta esto, pero nonetheless...

I find myself in a conundrum... Es fácil criticar a el “otro” el extraño que es migrante, que es pobre y el cual estamos ajenos de sus circunstancias particulares por las cuales se encuentra en la situación que se encuentra. Pero, El comercio del sexo está en gran demanda en aquellos lugares donde los hombres se encuentran lejos de sus familias. Ante esta situación hay miles factores no biológicos que están mediando esta situación, como las expectativas por género. Aún así, me perturba el hecho de que sea “natural” y normal el unstoppable “drive” sexual del hombre.

And I don't need a biology lesson here, cause I know... pero a la vez, no puedo dejar de pensar en todo el bagaje “cultural” y racional el cual nos permitió adaptarnos y evolucionar. No creo que uno deba ir en contra de sus impulsos naturales, but where does it stop? I mean, entiendo lo del sexo 24/7, pero no puedo evitar el pensar porqué no es permitido el golpear a alguien hasta matarlo, pues uno puede sentirse con ira (tanto fisiológicamente como emocionalmente), o sea porqué no es socialmente aceptado eso, y porqué sí el sentido insaciable de reproducción o placer. Though la respuesta parece obvia, no lo es...

Se ve como natural que si el hombre abandona el campo, y se va a la ciudad en China, India, Bangladesh, Sur África, y La mayoría de las sociedades centro y suramericanas, entre otros más, que se sacie con un@ trabajador@ de la industria del sexo... It seems as if were not meant to be monogamous...

Then, what the hell are we supposed to be? Creo que esa es una pregunta que cada religión contesta de una forma particular, pero no estoy buscando una respuesta desde el marco religioso, cause I know most of them. Me pregunto, cual es la verdadera naturaleza del ser humano... y creo que hay un matiz aquí desde los insaciables sexuales, hasta los que se abstienen ocasionalmente por desición propia. ¿Cual es el máximo placer? Creo que tal cosa, es un vestigio positivista de los cabrones pensadores decimonónicos
*sighs*

If you look about how monogamous relationships came to be defined in human history, you would see that it's rooted on keeping resources to oneself and the begginings on rational egoism... Pero estamos tan rooted onto that, que ¿Cómo salimos de esa ideología? ¿Es necesario salir de esa ideología, o sea hace falta ese cambio? ¿Porqué?

Si algo me he dado cuenta, es que todo lo que aprendo nuevo...me complica la existencia, en el sentido masoquista de la palabra.

Todo es tan momentáneo y tan efímero a veces...

No se ni que carajo I am now...Un conservador? A prude?

Pienso demasiado las cosas... Though I am an avid learner, so...